Circle Of Death
by Hidden By Shadow
Summary: Something's wrong in Alchemilla Hospital. There's something not quite right. What does it have to do with Alessa and Michael and how far will Lisa go to uncover the truth?
1. Chapter 1: Confusion

Circle Of Death

Chapter 1: Confusion

_**Disclaimer: The author does not own any aspect of Silent Hill. Konami own it. That's why they make money from it and I don't.**_

I cannot think. My mind is swimming with foreign emotions. My head is in my hands. Looking down, all I can see is my white uniform and green heels. The dull white tiles that constitute the floor are reflecting the light from the ceiling. It hurts my eyes. I gaze around the cubicle - the only colour I can see apart from grey is the red of my sweater. I stand up slowly and slip it on before unlocking the door.

The rest of the cubicles are empty. There's no one else in this small bathroom. I walk to the sink and start the water running. As the basin fills up, I stare into the mirror. I look like the proverbial train wreck - my long dull-blonde hair is hanging around my shoulders. I stop the water and splash it into my face. The ice-cold wakes me up faster than a coffee could. After fixing my hair, I leave the bathroom and turn right through some double doors. That's something this building has in spades - double doors. Still, what else could be expected of a hospital?

As I open the door to the break room, the noise is on the verge of headache inducing. Several conversations are going on at once. I make a beeline to the coffee machine and pour the dark black substance into a green mug before leaning on the counter and start to sip the bitter tasting beverage. I finish just as the door opens and a man in a grey suit with a blue tie and white shirt walks in. The conversations all cease as Doctor Michael Kaufmann shuts the door.

"Good morning everyone." The doctor states. His voice is devoid of emotion. "First off, the third floor is full. We need to start sending patients home." Doctor Kaufmann looks at his clipboard before speaking again, "Second, there's been a fire in the residential district. The ambulances are heading back now and so we're going to be busy." This announcement is greeted by a chorus of moans. "That's all, dismissed."

The room empties gradually as Doctor Kaufmann stares at me. I stare back, unsure of what he wants.

"Why aren't you downstairs yet?" The look he gives me is stone cold. I merely shrug. I cannot think of a reason.

"Come on, you can bring the coffee and mope around the basement. Or whatever it is you usually do down there." He opens the door and looks back at me expectantly. I start to walk out the room and turn right. I have absolutely no idea where I'm going, but I can feel the Doctor nearby. We walk down a corridor that has a tiled floor. The stench of hospital disinfectant is overpowering. The Doctor walks ahead and unlocks a door. He looks at me as he holds it open. His expression is unreadable, but I walk through the door. It leads to some stairs and at the bottom, the Doctor unlocks another door. We're in the basement area. The only rooms I can remember here are the generator and boiler rooms, the morgue and a storeroom. Doctor Kaufmann approaches the storeroom and unlocks its door. I walk through before he has a chance to fix me with those cold eyes of his yet again. The storeroom has four huge shelving units and an old cupboard near one wall. Doctor Kaufmann is walking towards that cupboard. I just continue to stare around the room. It's dimly lit and packed with various boxes and old equipment like drip stands which are leant against a wall. Doctor Kaufmann coughs on purpose to draw my attention to him. He's moved the cupboard to reveal a small door set into the wall. He's holding the door open and once again staring at me. I walk through the hidden door into a small room with a large metal grate on the floor. Doctor Kaufmann walks over to it and lifts it up. Underneath it are stairs, which he gestures at. I get the message and walk down them.

The corridor is dimly lit and not very wide. If I held out both my arms, I could touch both the walls at the same time. Barely functional lights swing slowly above us, making the shadows sway around the room. At the end of the corridor is a large metal door. I push it open, seeing as how Doctor Kaufmann is behind me. It leads into a larger corridor which is almost identical to the last. Doctor Kaufmann walks around me and to a door on the left. Sliding it open, he looks at me again before I walk through it. We're in a small area with six doors. Doctor Kaufmann walks to the third door on the left and unlocks it with a key. I walk to the door and look into the room. It's not much different to the corridors but it is a room, with a few pictures visible, a bed and...

"What is a patient doing down here?" I say, slowly. Doctor Kaufmann looks into my eyes, as if examining me.

"You don't remember?" The question is more of a statement, but I still nod slightly. "How much have you had recently?" I just look at him, wondering what he is going on about. In response, he withdraws a small vial filled with white powder of some kind. "How much of this have you had in the last fortnight?" I merely shrug. I have no idea of what he is on about. He raises his eyebrow, and then gestures to the room. I walk in and he shuts the door behind me. "Do you remember who she is?" Doctor Kaufmann asks, gesturing to the bed and the patient lying in the bed. All I can see is a head with a blanket covering the rest of her body, tubes connecting some drip bottles snaking out from underneath the blanket. I shake my head slowly. Doctor Kaufmann stares at me, as if deciding something.

"Her name is Alessa Gillespie, she's got first degree burns covering most of her body and has been in a coma for about four years now." Doctor Kaufmann walks over to a small counter and holds onto it before turning back to look at me. I'm standing at the foot of Alessa's bed. From here, I can see that someone has left a blue cardigan on her. "It's your job to administer her medication and change her bandages." Doctor Kaufmann's voice cuts through my thoughts. He goes to leave.

"What's she doing down here?" I ask, turning towards the door. Doctor Kaufmann stops and turns around.

"You don't know?" He asks. The way he asks makes me feel only a few inches tall. I shake my head. "She's in a coma and at her mother's request is to be kept away from the other patients." He pauses, and then looks straight into my eyes again. "And in the meantime, I'm putting a halt on your supply." I look at him with a confused look on my face. He sighs, as if he is fed up of explaining. He brings out the vial from his pocket again. "You normally receive a vial about this size filled with PTV, the trade name for a compound derived from White Claudia, every week in return for your silence regarding Miss Gillespie and whatever else goes on down here, as well as extra for doing small tasks for me." He pockets the vial again. "It's a recreational drug which while safe in large doses can start having side effects the higher the dose. At a very high dose, a heart attack is very likely to occur. Other side effects from slightly higher than normal doses are headaches, dizzyness, fatigue and short-term memory loss. While those effects will fade on their own within a few days, I'm keeping you off it for the next three weeks." I stare at him as he turns and leaves, closing the door and leaving me in the room, staring at the door, trying to work out what is going on around here. Putting coma patients in the basement just because their relatives request it doesn't sound right. Standard procedure would put the patient on a ward with other coma patients, so that a team of nurses could look after them, not just a lone nurse in the basement. There was too much that Doctor Kaufmann had said that confused me, so I sat down on a stair and held my head in my hands, trying to make any kind of sense out of my thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2: Denial

Circle Of Death

Chapter 2: Denial

Disclaimer: The author does not own any aspect of Silent Hill. Konami own it. That's why they make money from it and I don't.

I lean back in the small wooden chair, reading a small blue diary. Apart from changing Alessa's bandages and setting up her medication there isn't much else to do. The diary paints a very depressing picture. I'm wondering if there was another nurse who used to take care of Alessa. The diary makes it seem so. It's filled with details such as '_changed her bandages but the blood and pus just oozed through them_', '_No matter what I do the room just will not stay clean._'. The last entry was the worst, it was two simple words, '_need drug_'. I close the diary and return it to where I found it, behind some medicine bottles on the table. I move the chair so that its against the wall, facing Alessa and start to doze off.

I wake up slowly, feeling horrible. I can barely keep my eyes open. But that changes when I notice that the bed is empty. The blankets have been thrown to the end of the bed and the door is ajar. I quickly stand up and look around the room. There's grime all over the walls and the floor. I walk into the corridor, that too is covered in grime but out there, the floor has been replaced with metal grating. I take on last look back into the room to make sure that I haven't simply imagined that the bed was empty, but there is no one lying in the bed. I close the door and walk into the middle of the corridor, calling Alessa's name. Silence is the only response. I start trying other doors in the corridor, but they are all jammed shut. I look closely at one of the doors and find that the lock has been burned to the point where the innards have melted. The key will never fit in the lock and the lock will never open. I walk to the end of the corridor and into the next corridor, heading for the stairs. The stench is horrible, it smells like rotting flesh. I practically run to the stairs and into the basement of the hospital. It's pitch black, but I can see about an inch in front of my face and even though I don't particularly want to, I keep the tips of my fingers against the wall. I head out of the storeroom and to the lift. Though there are no lights on in the basement, I hope that the emergency generator has kicked in and is still powering the lift. I press the button, but nothing happens. I turn around and head for the stairs. Finding the door unlocked, I run up the stairs and onto the first floor. The floor is tiled, unlike in the basement, but the tiles are old and covered in dirt.

I walk to the door leading to the other staircase, but it is locked tight. I try the storeroom door next, but it too is locked. So are the doors leading to the offices, the staff room and the kitchen. Before turning around, I try the door that leads to the courtyard outside, but it's bolted shut. I turn around and decide to try the medicine room door. It's the only door on the floor that's unlocked. Heading through into the examination room, I find both of the doors leading to the reception area are locked. The examination room is in the same state as the other areas I've been through, covered in grime and reeking of rotten flesh. I turn around and notice that there's something shiny on the floor. I bend down and pick it up. It's the casing from a bullet. Probably a forty-five calibur bullet casing. I turn back around and open one of the drawers on the desk. It slides open and a handgun is clearly visible inside. I slam the drawer shut, which makes some of the papers on the desk fly off it. I bend down to gather them up. One of them catches my eye. It looks like a letter to someone, but it ins't a hospital memo or a personal letter.

_'To DG,_

_No change in the condition of AG. It doesn't appear that her intervention will come to anything, although I would recommend caution. As for our main business arrangement, I've had to pull the girl out for a while. She seems slightly unbalanced. Impossible to tell whether this is due to her duties either on or off the job or a side-effect of the product. Regardless, I will keep a closer eye on her until I am satisfied that either she can resume her duties fully or am forced to take drastic action to mitigate risk. Rest assured that she doesn't know all of our business arrangement and has no idea that you are a key component of the product's distribution. If she cannot be controlled, I will deal with her._

_MK, M.D.'_

The letter really confuses me, so I place it under the stack of papers on the desk before turning around. I start to walk out through the door to the medicine room, but as I'm about to walk through it, it slams shut and the force of it shutting knocks me to the floor. I come around slowly, slightly dazed. I'm in the basement sickroom. It's pristine and Alessa is still lying in her bed, her eyes closed and her hands crossed over her chest. I look around the room, confused. Had I been dreaming? It felt too real to have been a dream. I'm disturbed from my thoughts by the sound of the door opening. Two people walk into the room, with one of them walking to the end of the bed and the other standing by the door and looking at me. The one looking at me is Michael Kaufmann. The other is an old women, wearing a black dress that reaches just above her ankles and a shawl covering her hair.

"You can go now, Ms Gillespie wants to spend some time with her daughter and then the night shift will take over." Doctor Kaufmann says. He continues to look at me with ice-cold eyes. I stand up and walk out of the room. As soon as I'm out the door, Doctor Kaufmann shuts it and locks it from inside.

I head out of the hospital and walk to my apartment. It's just down the road from the hospital, about five minutes walk. Shutting the door, I make for my small desk and take out a couple of sheets of paper. On one, I write down the contents of the letter, exactly as I can remember it. On the other, I write down what happened in what I presume to be my dream. After I've done this, I sit down on my couch and think of why there was a gun in the desk in my dream and a bullet casing on the floor. What need would a doctor have of a gun in the hospital. In their house, it would be understandable, this is America after all and the constitution allows people the right to bear arms, but a gun in a hospital just doesn't seem right. Most people in Central Silent Hill don't even own guns, just a few people who seem to think that being born American means holding a gun from the moment you're old enough to the moment you fall into your grave and the members of the police. There isn't a lot of people admitted into the hospital with gunshot wounds and there aren't any gangs around, so it doesn't seem logical to have a gun in the hospital. Most doctor's I know would never be able to even hold a gun, they'd be more likely to take a bullet out of a person than put it in them. I can't make any sense of it. So I decide to eat a pasta bake I had lying in the fridge and try to fall asleep on the couch. But I can't. Everytime I close my eyes I'm back in what I'm referring to in my thoughts as the nightmare hospital. And to make sleep even more distant, that letter I found keeps invading my thoughts. I get up and reread the letter as I wrote it. Then, it starts to make sense. 'MK, M.D.' must stand for Michael Kaufmann. That is the most obvious one. I have trouble trying to figure out what DG and AG stand for. But I need rest, I'm too tired to think properly. So, I head for the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet. Retriving a couple of sleeping tablets, I dry swallow them before shutting the cabinet and staring into the mirror. As the medication starts to take effect, I walk into my bedroom and fall onto the bed. I'm out like a light the moment my head hits the pillow.


	3. Chapter 3: Anger

Circle Of Death

Chapter 3: Anger

Disclaimer: The author does not own any aspect of Silent Hill. Konami own it. That's why they make money from it and I don't.

I woke up slowly. My head was still spinning with thoughts from yesterday. One in particular, was very odd. "_You can go now, Ms Gillespie wants to spend some time with her daughter and then the night shift will take over." _ Something about the way that Doctor Kaufmann had said that yesterday struck me as odd. I walked downstairs and poured myself a bowl of cereal. Then it clicked. I had seen a similar phrase in the diary, _Ms Gillespie came to spend some time with her daughter. Left work early_. I had seen that phrase a couple of times throughout the diary. As I got dressed, I thought more about the diary. In amongst the days of endless boredom, the diary detailed other days which had seemed to be slightly abnormal. Putting on my shoes, I hurried out of the apartment. The letter I had read spoke of 'other business' between Doctor Kaufmann and who I now assumed DG was – Dahlia Gillespie. The diary detailed small errands the writer had undertaken. Nowhere within the diary was the writer's name, but I felt that it was key to understanding what was going on.

I was practically running down to the second basement, not even stopping for the usual morning coffee. When I got to the sickroom, I opened the door and found that Doctor Kaufmann was sitting in the wooden chair I had left leaning against the wall.

"You're eager to start today." he commented. "Feeling better?"

"I'm fine." I said. I really wanted him out of the room so I could start reading the diary and try to piece together what was happening. He gave me a cold look before standing up and walking to the door.

"When you're shift is over, would you please meet me in the Riverside Motel? The owner will know which room." Doctor Kaufmann said, before walking out of the room, closing the door behind him. As soon as he was gone, I walked over to the small table covered in medicine bottles and retrieved the diary from its hiding place. Flipping through it, it did not take me long to find an entry which sounded out of place.

_'Went over to the Norman Motel in the Resort Area and handed him a package wrapped in brown paper and a key as instructed, before heading to the Indian Runner to receive two packages in small boxes.'_

Flipping through a few more pages, I found an entry three days after the last entry I had read. It detailed Dahlia Gillespie visiting Alessa and Doctor Kaufmann letting the writer leave early. Flipping back, I went to the entry written four days before the entry on the packages from Norman Motel and Indian Runner. Again, the entry detailed Dahlia visiting and Doctor Kaufmann letting the writer leave early. A pattern was slowly emerging. A visit from Dahlia to Alessa. Four days later, a round of deliveries. Three days later, another visit from Dahlia. I could see a connection forming, but I couldn't figure out what the basis of the connection was. I sat down on the chair and leaned back. Slowly, I started to fall asleep.

I could feel grass near my skin. I opened my eyes to find myself in a small area, with white walls and a grassy floor. Slowly sitting up, I became aware that I wasn't in the hospital, but in one of the construction sites near the resort area. Was I dreaming? The feel of the grass near my skin was real enough. I pinched myself, and it hurt a little. That had to mean that I was awake. So what was I doing in the resort area? Looking around, it looked like the evening. I stood up and started walking around. With nothing better to do, I decided that I'd head to the Indian Runner and to the Norman Motel. Maybe the packages mentioned in the diary were still there. I walked to the Indian Runner first. The door was unlocked but inside it looked like it had been abandoned suddenly. Shelves had been tipped onto their end, tins and boxes formed a carpet and the overhead lights were flickering. I walked to the area behind the till, which seemed to be almost untouched by whatever devastation had visited the rest of the store. I noticed a couple of old photos stuck to the wall. Under the till, I found a small red book. Opening it, I saw pages covered in a small neat script. I opened it to a random page and started to read. It seemed to be another diary.

'_July 23. The nurse visited again today. Handed her the package received from the old woman. Heard she went to Norman's too. Policeman showed up an hour after the nurse left. Identified himself as Officer Gucci. Asked about the visits from both the old woman and the nurse. Told him the cover story provided by the doctor._'

So there is was, in the blue ink of an anonymous diary. An old woman would deliver a package. Sometime later a nurse would show up and receive the package. And whatever was in the packages wasn't legal since there was no other reason to give a cop a cover story. From the descriptions, it sounded like it involved Doctor Kaufmann and Dahlia Gillespie and whoever had written that diary I found in Alessa's room. I looked at the last diary entry in the book for when the nurse had visited. Six days ago. Judging by what I had figured out from the diaries and the letter in the examination room, that meant that at least one package was still here in the Indian Runner, and probably another one in the motel. I looked around behind the counter. There was the till, a safe on the floor across from the till and a set of drawers behind me. Whatever the packages were, they were ether in the safe or in the drawers. The safe looked like it'd open with a key. I started to rummage through the drawers, looking for either a package or a key. I found a small steel key in the top drawer. Walking over to the safe, I placed the key in the lock and turned it. The door popped open. Inside was one large piece of brown paper, some string and a white plastic bag filled with a white powder. Looking at the bag made my head hurt. As I collapsed onto my knees, I noticed a label had been attached onto the bag. Lowering my head onto the floor, I started to make the connections. I closed my eyes, still seeing the three letters behind my eyelids. PTV.

I woke up, startled. I was back in the hospital sickroom. I figured I must have passed out. I stood up and went to check on Alessa. Her bandages were caked in blood and the medication on her drip stand had run out. I left the room to go and get some bandages. Walking to a supply closet, as I reached for the bandages I noticed a couple of small vials on a shelf.

'_You normally receive a vial about this size filled with PTV, the trade name for a compound derived from White Claudia, every week in return for your silence regarding Miss Gillespie and whatever else goes on down here, as well as extra for doing small tasks for me_'

Suddenly, I put two and two together. The diary in my dream had mentioned three people. The package which I could now safely assume contained drugs had been labelled PTV. Doctor Kaufmann had mentioned that I received a vial of PTV every week. I picked up enough bandages and walked back to Alessa's room, my head overflowing with thoughts. As I reapplied Alessa's bandages, I remembered that Doctor Kaufmann had asked me to meet him in the Riverside Motel after work. I'd somehow have to avoid thinking about what I'd found. If I did, I'd get angry, and probably do something I'd later regret.


	4. Chapter 4: Bargaining

Circle Of Death

Chapter 4: Bargaining

Disclaimer: The author does not own any aspect of Silent Hill. Konami own it. That's why they make money from it and I don't.

Walking through the gates of the Riverside Motel, I shudder slightly as the cold wind blows my cardigan around. I move quickly into the main building and wait for the owner to come out and tell me which room is Doctor Kaufmann's. The reception area of the motel is dingy and looks like it's not maintained very well. Eventually, the owner emerges from his office, the door preventing a lot of smoke billowing out. The owner is a small man who hobbles behind the counter and seems totally unable to look at my face.

"Would you be liking a room, madam?" The man tries hard to seem polite. However, in my current state, I'm not in the mood for small talk.

"I'm looking for Doctor Michael Kaufmann. He told me to meet him here." I tell the man, giving him my name. The owner turns around and picks up a key from the rack, before placing it on the counter. I watch as a layer of dust rises off the counter before settling down.

"Through the door and then the gate on your left. It's a room on the second floor." The man tells me, before walking back into his smoky office. I grab the key and look at the number, it's room number 318. I turn around and head back into the motel car park, before turning left and walking across the tarmac. The stairs are in front of me. The motel feels deserted, there are barely any cars in the parking lot. I recognise Doctor Kaufmann's car. Walking up the stairs, I follow the balcony around until I'm standing in front of room 318. The hand I'm holding the key in is shaking so much it takes me three attempts to get it into the keyhole. When it's in, I slowly turn the key until the lock clicks. When it does, I twist the doorknob and let the door open.

I walk into the room and close the door, before locking it and looking around the room. The room is sparsely decorated. There are a couple of notebooks placed on the desk table. As I approach them I hear the toilet flush and running water. Deciding it would be better to be seen sitting on the bed as opposed to rifling through papers, I sit down and watch as Doctor Kaufmann leaves the bathroom. He pauses as he sees me, before walking to the other bed in the room and sitting down opposite me. His demenor is even colder than it usually is. His eyes are focused on my face so much it feels as if he's seeing through my skin and into my mind.

"Are you feeling any better?" Michael asks. I cannot tell whether or not he is being sincere. I just stare at him, being careful not to either nod or shake my head. "The drugs should be out of your system by now. They've had more than enough time." Doctor Kaufmann explains, "The side-effects should start to fade away."

"What are you on about?" I remarked. I could barely think coherently.

"So, you'll be able to resume your duties to the full in a couple of days." Doctor Kaufmann said. That made all my emotions come overflowing, like a waterfall.

"If you think I'm going to take any more part in your drug trafficking, then you're mistaken." I shout angrily, "And I'm resigning from the hospital with immediate effect! I have to get away from there, and away from you!" Doctor Kaufmann's reaction to my outburst was to continue staring at me, calmly.

"Why are you resigning?" Doctor Kaufmann asked, "You've got a good job..."

"My job is to look after one patient, whose condition is never going to change!" I scream, standing up and clenching my fists. Doctor Kaufmann just looks at me. It's as if he's bored, like he's seen this before.

"Where would you go?" He asks. The manner in which he speaks it strikes me as being out of place.

"I have to get away." I plead, "I can't keep living like this." I turn around and start to head for the door.

"I'm sorry to hear that." I hear Doctor Kaufmann say, "I'll be sorry to lose you." I walk out of the apartment and start to walk back to my apartment.

When I get into my apartment, the heat in the room is unbearable. I walk to the window and turn on the air conditioning. Sitting down on the couch, I hold my head in my hands. Thinking back on what happened in the motel, it all seems surreal now. I practically blurted out everything to Doctor Kaufmann, who barely even reacted to it. So now I've forced myself into a course of action. I've effectively resigned from the hospital and I've told Kaufmann I'll no longer do any drug trafficking for him. Although he seemed fine about it, I was more than aware that Dahlia was also involved, and she probably wouldn't be so happy about me leaving. I decided to sleep on the matter. Hopefully, I'd be able to think of how I was going to escape after some rest. I walked to the bathroom and went to the medicine cabinet. Taking out some sleeping tablets, I dry swallow them before walking back to my bedroom and slipping under the covers.


	5. Chapter 5: Depression

Circle Of Death

Chapter 5: Depression

Disclaimer: The author does not own any aspect of Silent Hill. Konami own it. That's why they make money from it and I don't.

I wake up slowly, and reluctantly sit up, taking my head off my pillows. Even though I've slept a long time, I still feel tired. Slowly, I lift the covers off my bed and stand up. The sunlight is streaming through my blinds. I walk to the kitchen and make some toast. I've decided to leave Silent Hill, it would be better for me if I could resume my life far away from the influence of either Doctor Michael Kaufmann or Dahlia Gillespie. I walk to my desk and type out a resignation letter on my typewriter. When I've finished, I place the letter in an envelope and write Doctor Kaufmann's name on the front. Slipping it into my pocket, I grabbed my cardigan and walked out of the apartment, heading for the hospital.

As I walked in through reception, I heard the examination room door open. Doctor Kaufmann stood in the doorway, watching as I walked towards him. His expression was completely unreadable. I handed him the envelope and watched as he opened it and read the contents. After he had finished, he looked straight into my eyes.

"Is this what you want?" Doctor Kaufmann asked. I merely nod. "Will you work your shift today and then leave?" Again, I nod. "Then it's settled." He says, coldly. He turns and walks straight back into the examination room. I walk down to the basement sickroom and look over Alessa's medication list. After hooking up her drip stand, I walk to the table where I'd hidden the diary behind some medicine bottles. But it wasn't where I had put it. Had it been found? Even though there was no name written in it, someone was bound to work out that it belonged to me. What if it was Doctor Kaufmann or Dahlia who had found it, how would they react? I decide to leave early. After checking Alessa's bandages and medication, I walk out of the room, closing the door behind me. Walking through the corridors of the basement, I reach the staircase that takes me into the hidden room next to the basement storeroom. Slowly, I walk up the stairs, gripping the banister tightly.

As I reach the top of the stairs, I walk out of the room and enter the basement storeroom. Two things strike me as odd about the room. First, all the shelves have been pushed against the wall, when they are usually spread all around the room. The second is that the diary is lying in the center of the room, open in the middle. I walked over to the diary slowly. It was open with the last two entries visible. '_Need drug_', '_help _me'. I looked at the diary entries once more, before slowly standing up. I walked to the door and pushed the door handle. It barely moved. I then realised that the door was locked. I tried the door handle again, praying silently that I was wrong and that the door handle was just stuck a little. But I wasn't wrong. There was no doubt about it. The door was locked. I turned and walked back to the diary. I knelt down beside it and put my hands to my head. My head was pounding away. I barely heard a key turning in the lock of the door. As it clicked, I turned my head around to watch as Doctor Kaufmann opened the door and walked into the room. I stood up, watching as he closed the door behind him and locked it again. His hands were shaking slightly. I noticed then that he had his head down, staring at the floor.

"Doctor?" I call out, not wanting the silence to continue. Doctor Kaufmann raises his head. For the first time in a long time, I can see the flicker of an emotion in his eyes. The pounding in my head speeds up slightly. "What's wrong?" I watch as his left hand goes into his jacket pocket. The pounding is getting both faster and louder. Doctor Kaufmann makes no noise as his left hand is removed from his pocket, holding a familiar item. It's what was out of place in my first dream where I'd found the memo referring to people with initials instead of names. His left arm straightens out as his right hand comes up, shaking a little less, to hold the bottom of the revolver Doctor Kaufmann is holding in his left hand. The gun is pointing to me, and over the sights I can see Doctor Kaufmann's eyes, glaring towards me. The pounding is getting louder. In shock at the sight of the gun levelled at my head, I can only breathe a single word out. "Why?" The pounding reaches it's climax as my eyes widen. This whole scene, it's too familiar.

_I look over at the woman who is standing in front of me, cringing. She's doing her best to hide it, but I can still see her fear. I try to steady my hands._

"_I can't take the risk." I say, my voice like ice, "You know too much." I indicate the diary that's lying on the floor with my eyes. Her eyes follow mine down to the diary, and then rise back up. She's on the verge of tears, but is trying hard to hold everything together._

"_I won't tell a soul." She pleads, "Promise." My hands tighten around the revolver._

I freeze up with the fear and the tension finally getting to me. I know then that there is no way out of this situation. I watch as the gun is held solidly, with unshaking hands. The trigger finger starts to apply pressure to the trigger. The pounding in my head becomes faster. I can feel tears starting to leak out of my eyes and start falling down my cheeks. The finger squeezes a little tighter. I stare down the barrel of the revolver, knowing in silent terror what is coming. The pounding in my head becomes much faster, before being drowned out by another noise. The finger has moved too far back now. The pounding dies away. I cannot feel any pain. I cannot feel anything at all. I start to fall, my knees giving out from under me. I start to close my eyes, as my vision fades to white, and then slowly to grey. Even though I am falling, I never feel the floor make contact with my head. All I can see is grey, and all I can hear is silence.


	6. Chapter 6: Acceptance

Circle Of Death

Chapter 6: Acceptance

Disclaimer: The author does not own any aspect of Silent Hill. Konami own it. That's why they make money from it and I don't.

The gunshot rings out in my ears, as the body hits the floor. All signs of life have faded away. I lower the gun and watch as blood starts to pour out, forming a pool of red on the floor. Getting in the hair, staining it. I drop the gun on the floor, shocked at what has been done. I can hear a door being opened somewhere. I cannot see where, since I am staring at the floor, at the arms that have spread out wide. The eyes that are now closed forever, the light of life now faded completely.

"Is this really the right way?" I mumble, lost in my own thoughts.

"It's the only way that understanding can ever be brought." I hear a soft, female voice say. I look up to see a tall girl, about fourteen years old, standing in front of me. Her long raven hair disappears beyond the shoulders of her blue cardigan. The only other thing she is wearing are white bandages, which cover mose of her body. The parts of her body that are not covered in bandages have scar tissue covering them. "The only way he will ever be able to atone for his sin will be when he understands what effects it caused." Alessa moves slightly to the side, gesturing at the cooling body on the floor. "By making him live through the events leading up to your demise at his hands, he will eventually understand what he has done, the fear you felt." Alessa lowers her head slightly. "Only then will he be able to atone." I raise my head slightly, to look her in the eyes. "Some day, maybe the cycle will have a different ending." She moves back, blocking the body from my vision. "Maybe the circle will break."

"Why do I have to watch, though." I ask. The scene has changed around us. We're sitting in the examination room, Alessa on the chair by the desk, me on one of the beds. "It always makes me feel sick watching it happen."

"Becauses, it is your decision when this stops." Alessa states, "Only you know how it truly felt when it actually happened. The purpose of this whole set up is to make Michael feel the exact same way. Therefore, only you can judge when that is." I watch as Alessa places her hands on her knees, palms facing upward. "Michael Kaufmann will be made to repeat the loop over and over again until you decide that he has understood what he cause and when you feel he has atoned." Alessa leans forward slightly. "You don't have to watch every time. It must be hard to have to watch what happens and be unable to ever change it, but it'll be the only way you can decide when the circle can be broken. You can sit the next couple of cycles out if you want to." I look at her, wanting her to see my eyes.

"No." I answer, "I will continue to watch, waiting for the time when he can be set free."

"Very well." Alessa stands up. "Until we meet again." She walks out as my vision fades slowly. I know the cycle will start again. Hopefully this time, he'll understand.

_AN: Thanks for all the reviews to this story._


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